Get To Know An NCAA Underdog: Liberty University

I have selected Liberty University in the Bud Light Busters event. Therefore I will be rooting for them to advance to the Sweet 16 so that I can win a trip to celbrate in the most approprate way for that school and its values- by going to Vegas.

Here are some fun facts that you might not know about the esteemed college located in Lynchburg, VA:

Liberty- also known as the Sentinilese Island University of Central Virginia- is a prestigous American instution of higher learning that provides a faith-based approach of giving up winning postseason basketball games for lent.

It was founded by Jerry Falwell, a American human who in-between suing porn magazines, started a universty in the footsteps of Footloose- banning any and all rhythmic gyrations and waltzing which is why the school never made the big dance until 1994. Falwell himself was known as somewhat of a libtard who was a outspoken opponet of the Vietnam war not because he thought that Americans shouldnt kill other humans on the other side of the globe because of diffrences in ideology, but because he thought we were being too chickenshit and should of sent 10 times more US troops over there to liberate the entire country from themselves.

As I mentioned Falwell was famous for allotting most of his daily schedule to combing through various porn magazines in order to find out which ones he could sue for making fun of him. This resulted in such landmark cases as Falwell vs. Penthouse, and Hustler Magazine vs. Falwell, as would be later memorialized in the Woody Harrelson film “The People vs Larry Flynt.” Ironicaly, Flynt and Falwell would end up becoming close freinds later on in life in a reminder to us all that we can all come together, since everyone has a penis and a soul and the use of both are not mutualy exclusive. As for the lawsuit- Falwell lost in the Supreme Court by a margin of 8-0 in a touching tribute to the halftime score of most of his beloved college basketball teams in-conference games.

Speaking of spending lots of time Courting someone without receving gratification, Liberty became known as a very conservative campus when it came to dating. Some of the more interesting rules the university has in place include a total ban on kissing which apparentley also includes championship trophies. They use to ban all hugs over 3 seconds long as well but relaxed that in case your pool boy came to visit and did a bang up job. Males and Females are not permitted to spend time in each others dorms, which is why 90% of the enrolled students are online learners.

Libertys main exports include students visiting VCU, ODU, JMU, UVA, and Virginia Tech on weekends to have some fun, DC Talk, Jars of Clay, and members of United States Congress.

Lets not say that the school isnt changing with the times however. In what can only be described as a signifcant change of heart on everything, the University welcomed Hugh Freeze in as there head coach depsite the fact he was ousted from Ole Miss from courting a few Young Misses outside his marriage on recruting trips.

The current Presdent Jerry Falwell, Jr. was offered the job of United States Secretary of Education and he briefly considered it but in true Liberty fashion he only contemplated adding a little of that Liberty touch for under three seconds.

As for their basketball team, the Flames have proven to be a formidable bunch this year, besting number one seed Lipscomb, whose name literaly translates to mustache, in the Atlantic Sun title game. Now they will take on Mississppi State in the opening round. The Flames play a distinct brand of 4-guard small ball which is what you do if you only have one tall guy who also happens to be their best player in Scottie James. So can Liberty make a deep run in this years tournment? Well if your looking for how a Cinderella story begins, what better place to start then the school that literaly has a curfew in place that every student has to be home before midnight.

Liberty 50

MS State 49

PS:

Here is a complete list of notable Liberty Alumni:

-Sid Bream

-2/3rds of Jars Of Clay

-Jason Elam

-Seth Curry for a year